Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Mr. Bill Goes to Washington

[Mr.] Bill in Portland Maine, that is. He penned a note to Robert Gibbs that is so perfect, I'm going to quote it in full...(with my apologies to Christopher, who hates it when I cut and paste).

Dear Robert Gibbs,

I can't believe what you said! How dare you! I take umbrage, you...you... Okay, okay...I admit it. I make a lousy hothead. Just ain't in me. So let me quickly say this and then I'll wander off in search of grannies to help cross the street so you can get back to work:

The Obama administration, in which you're a key player, came into office telling its base---namely, us---that we should not be patient. That we should push push push and make you enact the agenda that candidate Obama and his surrogates rattled off hundreds of times on the campaign trail. We were not to be sheep, you said---we were to be hard-headed realists.

"Make us do it!" your boss said. "Hold our feet to the fire!" "Hold us accountable for our actions!"

So we did. And we do. Every day. On blogs, on radio, on TV, through word-of-mouth or any other way we can think of. We're keeping our end of the bargain that you struck with us.

So, um, if I may say, sir: yikes...
During an interview with The Hill in his West Wing office, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs blasted liberal naysayers, whom he said would never regard anything the president did as good enough.

"I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested," Gibbs said. "I mean, it’s crazy. ... They will be satisfied when we have Canadian healthcare and we’ve eliminated the Pentagon. That’s not reality."
Well. Consider my butt paddled.

If the quality of our agreeing-to-do-what-you've-asked-us-to-do-since-2008 isn’t to your satisfaction, sir, perhaps you would like to clarify the role we---your base---should be playing. Because your rant has left me confused in the brainhead.

Just because you "achieve something"---whatever that something is---doesn’t automatically mean it's all magically delicious. We praise you loud 'n proud for what you do that makes sense (signing the bill yesterday to save jobs---yay!), criticize you for what doesn't make sense (Not signing a bill that creates public jobs to compensate for the jobs the private sector isn't creating because management has Gone Galt or something), and explain our positions and opinions as best we can by scrawling them on the dirt floors of our rabble huts.

I love your boss, Mr. Gibbs. I stood in line in a blizzard for two hours waiting to vote for him in the Maine caucus. I filled in the oval on my ballot so hard on November 4, 2008 that the marker tip almost went through the other side. And I like you, too, Bob. (Can I call you Bob? My dad's name was Bob.) I like much of what you've all accomplished so far under some very tough circumstances, and I've sang your praises aplenty. So, please... don’t swat at us like pesky gnats just because the feedback you get isn’t always pleasant. The sooner you learn that we're not automatons like the GOP's base, the better. (And we have this little habit of being correct about things an obscenely high percent of the time. You might want to look into that.)

So now what? I suggest we kiss (air kiss only, please, as I hear you have a cold), make up, and get down to the business of making the Republicans---aka the say nothing, do nothing, know nothing southern regional Save The Rich From The Poor party---regret they ever predicted a blowout in November. We'd be happy to meet you halfway by accepting an invitation to the White House for some beer.

Sincerely,

Just me...Billy

As Captain Picard would say to his Number One: make it so.


[Read BiPM in full, here; image via AP.]