Thursday, September 23, 2010

K-Tel meets K Street

Once again, for your if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry entertainment, I give you Daily Kos' own...

Bill from Portland Maine!
[applause, applause]

Hello, friends!
Say, are you feeling nostalgic for that wild and wacky year 1994? Stephen Breyer was confirmed to the Supreme Court...Dallas won the Super Bowl...the White House published a single web page...Richard Nixon shuffled off his mortal coil...Forrest Gump feasted on his box of chocolates...and Republicans in Congress signed their awesome Contract On America!
What memories. Seems like it was just...um...16 years ago.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we can't bring Ol' Tricky Dick back, but we can do the next best thing! Today the GOP boyz in the Hizzouse are gettin' back together, baby! Put yer hands together for the Not New...Hardly Improved...Totally Recycled....REPUBLICAN CONTRACT ON AMERICA REUNION TOUR!!!
[Raaaahhhhh!!!]
Oh yeeeah, baby... [Oooh chocka wocka boing boing chocka chocka] ...they're movin', they're groovin', they're schmoozin', they're shakin' and seducin' America all over again with their sexy, sultry Greatest Hits. Like...
I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Tax Cuts for the Rich 
Go Away Little Gays 
Springtime for Limbaugh 
Stop! In the Name of My Cherry-picked Conservative Christian Morality! 
New Pork, New Pork! 
I Will Always Snub You 
Boehner's Got A Brand New Golf Bag 
You Really Bought Me 
R-E-J-E-C-T 
I'm Dreaming of a White Caucus 
You're Havin' Your Baby (Even if the Daddy's Your Papa) 
The No No Song 
A House With No Shame 
(Boom Boom!) Out Go the Lights 
Sweet Schemes Are made of Sleaze
And more! All lovingly remastered by some of America's top corporate lobbyists and backroom kingmakers...and endorsed by K Street, C Street and Wall Street!
Just look at the reviews from the GOP Fan Club:
"It is dreck."
"This document proves the GOP is more focused on the acquisition of power than the advocacy of long term sound public policy."
It's a winner!
The 2010 Recycled 1994 Contract On America is not available in stores. You'll only find it on sparsely-visited conservative web sites, awkward Capitol Hill press conferences and on Fox News 24/7.
Don't miss it! Because when November 3rd rolls around, it'll disappear faster than it takes a primary-winning teabagger to sanitize her campaign site of endorsements by her crazy followers!
Get it NOW!!!

[Read the original, even more in There's Moreville, and all the Kossacks at Daily Kos here.]